"Life Plans"

First Grade: Rainforest Specialist
Second Grade: Chemist
Fourth Grade: Author
Sixth Grade: Broadcast Journalist
Tenth Grade: Translator
Eleventh Grade: Politician, Anthropologist
Twelfth Grade: High School Teacher, Physicist
First Year: Diplomat, Theologian, Chef
Sophomore Year: International Market Analyst, Professor, CEO

Since a very young age I have been planning my life. College, grad school, summers in between, career, Ph.D., restaurants I shall own, investments I shall make, instruments I shall take, number of children I shall have, martial arts I shall learn, or books I shall write, etc. I love to dream about 12 years ahead of the present. I relish in the future, often more than I relish in the present moment.

Lately, and through various influences, I have come to realize that all of these plans I spend hours crafting aren't real, or tangible; they do not talk, they do not care about me, do not know how to have deep conversations, do not give hugs or kisses, do not give advice, do not have a personality. They exist as static frequencies in the blurry years ahead of today. Yet, so often, these plans take the place of close friends and companions. Often I would rather sit in my room with my papers and charts, planning the next few years ahead only to replan those years weeks later, and again weeks later, and again. My friends know that I have a new "life plan" every week.

I do not want to or intend to abandon any of my grand ambitions for the future, but these things will come with time. Opportunities will present themselves, others I will have to seek out when the time comes. But for now I want to devote myself to the PEOPLE around me. I want to be nourished by company--no matter how simple. I also need to focus on the part of my plans that exists in the present, namely, my studies. I will never get to Columbia or LSE if I don't kick ass this semester. Grad school is at least 3 years in the future. Friends and family are RIGHT NOW. I don't have to wait around for them to "happen". Moreover, how am I supposed to know what I want to do with my life if I keep cloistering myself and planning a little microcosm of a life for myself, expecting the perfect people to walk in at the perfect time and fill their designated roles: employer, advisor, partner, etc. Experience has taught me that nothing--especially relationships--play out in the way you had expected. Only time shall tell what degrees I earn, which career I pursue, etc. To the contrary, my actions now are what determines who will support me and surround me in the years ahead.

Who knows WHAT I'll be when I grow up. I wish people asked WHO do you want to be when you grow up? A better version of myself, of Anna, who just happens to be a market analyst, diplomat, author, professor, mother, et. al. No matter what I am when I grow up, I hope to be more fully whom God intended me to be.

"Who we are is God's gift to us. Who we become is our gift to God." -unknown